I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
