Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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