Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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