i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
