I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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