Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
