well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
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Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
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Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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