just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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