Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
