Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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