Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
