is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
