Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
