I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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