Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
