I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
