i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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