I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I want to have your abortion
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
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I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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