My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
