is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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