It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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