I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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