You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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