Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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