allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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