fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
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