Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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