How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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