Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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