On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
