ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
