I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
