a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize