On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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