Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
