i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
