New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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