I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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