PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
