He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
