last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
this just has baby written all over it
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
