my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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