Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
