90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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