Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
