I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
