I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
