Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
