Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Randomize
