just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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