PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize