our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
