you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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