I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
