Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
