I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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