Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
