I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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