Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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