I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My penis needs a shock collar
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
